So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize