let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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