Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
