im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
