Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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