I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
