called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
