Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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