Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's rum buckets o'clock
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
