I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
