Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
