i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
