Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
