Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
