no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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