best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
