I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I won't apologize to a one balled man
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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