One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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