my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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