His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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