New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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