one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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