I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize