first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
