So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
