2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
