The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
