Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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