im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
