you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
sarcasm needs its own font
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize