Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize
