WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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