Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
