I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
