One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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