My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
