And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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