____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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