I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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