remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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