she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
