I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
