just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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