Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
