I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
