am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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