drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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