Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize