Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
