HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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