On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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