Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
