Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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