Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
