So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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