I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
