yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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