the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My vagina just recognized that song.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
