If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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