We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
