Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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