That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
