If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
