I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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