How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
