I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
